Throwaway because my friends know my main account.

Some background for the situation: I've known my friend Danny, the friend in question, since we were 14. We were part of a group of four guys and we all got along really well. Him and his best friend and me and my best friend would all hang out together all the time after school and on weekends, play video games together and go on adventures, you know, just teenager stuff. Anyway, at the end of high school we all went to different colleges across the country for different reasons. Danny and I both came back to our hometown for the summer, but my best friend and his best friend both stayed at their schools to work and take summer classes and such.

I've been hanging out with Danny pretty much every day since we got back. My parents repurposed my bedroom to a workout room almost as soon as I moved into the dorms so I live in my basement and usually he'll come over and we'll play games or watch tv or listen to music, and then he'll crash on the couch, go home in the morning and then come back over in the afternoon, rinse and repeat.

Last night we were watching some shitty movie, or really more like just talking with the movie on in the background and there was a sex scene. I asked him if he managed to get laid at all at college, and he said no. I admitted that I hadn't either. We started to talk about sex a little. I could feel myself getting excited but I didn't really understand why. The conversation kept up to the point where I said something along the lines of, "I would really love to know what it feels like to have somebody suck my cock". He said, "What if..." and then blushed. One thing led to another and next thing I know he's blowing me. I felt weird and conflicted about it but it was so good. It was like my mind switched gears in the middle of it and all of a sudden I was so turned on by him. When he finished me I asked him to let me return the favor. Afterwards we kissed, and then he awkwardly said that he should leave and went home.

As soon as he left my mind went into overdrive. A lot of things clicked into place in my mind but I'm still confused about a lot of things. I don't look at porn often but when I do it's usually women, but I've never met a woman IRL that I was actually attracted to. I thought it was because I have high standards, but what if it's because I'm not into women? I can't make sense of it. I was super horny this morning, I've jerked off three times already today and I tried to think about women and look at straight porn but my mind kept drifting back to Danny's body, Danny's dick, Danny with his mouth around me. It's crazy because I've never once felt attraction to a man before, never noticed guys in a sexual way at all, but now all I can think about is him.

I'm really worried that this will fuck up our friendship. I don't regret what we did, but what if he does? What if he's been scoping me out this whole time, waiting for his chance to pounce? I don't know how I would feel about that. Also if he decides he doesn't want to be around me anymore, I'm going to be alone for the rest of the summer. None of my other friends are in town. And then what happens if we do decide to get together, become a couple. What happens when we go back to school? What do we tell our other friends? Hell, what would I tell my parents?

I texted him earlier, just a simple "Hey" and I haven't gotten anything back yet. I'm kind of losing my mind waiting on an answer. I would really love advice regarding what to say to him when I talk to him next. I want to continue to explore my relationship with him, but I don't want to scare him off by coming on too strong. I need to feel out his thoughts first.

Does anybody else that's been in a situation like this have any advice to offer? What should I say to him? How can I salvage our friendship if it turns out that he doesn't feel the same way as me? I'm looking for any general advice regarding sexuality and figuring yourself out as well.

tl;dr: Thought I was straight, ended up engaging in mutual oral sex with a friend that I also thought was straight. I want to figure out my sexuality and continue to explore this new territory with my friend, but stay friends with him if he's not interested. How do I approach the topic so as to not scare him off? And how do I figure out if I'm bi or gay, just for my own personal peace?

EDIT: He just texted me back and asked if he could come over. I said yes. Wish me luck!

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Selected Comments

• Don't overthink it. Give yourself time to process what you are feeling. You are not obligated to label yourself as one thing or another. Some people describe themselves as 'questioning' because they don't know where they stand. If you live in an area where these resources exist, if you feel comfortable with doing this, consider reaching out to the LGBT community. Some groups have counselling services for young people and they might be able to help you with this process.

  • It's this plus a heavy dose of remembering that these years are experimental. Good on OP for not shying away from his feelings. Society suggests only girls experiment in college but that's a load of crap. Speak with Danny, see what happens.

  • On top of this, there's absolutely no shame in changing your mind later if you do decide on what to label yourself as. A week, month, ten or twenty years down the line you might change your mind about whatever you've described yourself as, and that's fine. You are what you say you are, and only you have control over your identity. There are guys who call themselves straight but like gay porn, there are people who consider themselves straight but still have that one person of the same sex they're attracted too and conversely there are people who consider themselves gay but have that one person of the opposite sex. Sexuality isn't a bunch of coffins and you have to lie down in one and get nailed in and stuck in the ground forever. It's like an anti-gravity chamber where you can float around whichever way you please.

• You could be totally straight and like this one guy. You could be gay. You could be nothing! It's all ok. I wouldn't worry too much about exactly what to call your sexual orientation, it's not that important. Considering your friend was down to suck you off, there's at least SOME mutual attraction. I think that this could be no big deal if y'all decide not to pursue something more, but it definitely needs to be discussed. If y'all sit down together and you can just say "I'm feeling a bit confused. I'm incredibly attracted to you, though it goes against how I would normally label myself. I can't stop thinking about you though, and would love to pursue something more if you're willing." and let him think about it. He was your friend first, so I don't see him never speaking to you again or anything over this. Honesty and sharing your feelings sounds like the best bet in this situation. (P.S. He's likely just as confused/scared as you are.)

  • I'm certain he's just as confused and scared as you are. And that's ok. And kind of exciting if you think about it the right way.

• A good friend of mine had an experience similar to yours not too long ago. He considered himself "bi-curious" and after his experience (he had also been with a woman prior to this) he decided that he's more into women than he is into men, but I think he still identifies as bisexual. I wouldn't over-think it. You guys had an enjoyable sexual experience, and that's awesome. If you feel concerned about where his head's at, communicate with him. Tell him that you feel nervous or anxious that he didn't enjoy it or that he's put off, or that he might not even want to be friends anymore, or whatever it is you're worried about. You guys should definitely communicate openly about this, because he's likely reeling too.

• Courtney Act (wonderful drag queen) once said something to the effect that if less people were concerned with labeling themselves gay or straight we'd all get laid more.(sorry for the crudeness, but the sentiment is right.) Don't stress over the label. It's ok to be attracted to and love people of any gender and orientation. Give yourself time to absorb everything that's happened and time to think about what you'd like to do next. Having this experience is ok. It doesn't cheapen or prevent you from having relationships with women you like. It doesn't have to define you one way or another. Love and attraction come in lots of forms.

• There is a lot of panic in your opening post. Take a deep breath. Just breathe. Now, you had an experience with your friend that expanded your understanding of your sexual attraction. This is not inherently a bad thing. You enjoyed yourself. He enjoyed himself. All is good. 

  • • "I've never met a woman irl that I was actually attracted to. I thought it was because I have high standards, but what if it's because I'm not into women?" 

  • Discovering attraction to your friend was a revelation, but as far figuring out your attraction toward women -- you don't need to sort it out now. One doesn't say anything about the other. At this point, treat them as separate things.

    • "I'm really worried that this will fuck up our friendship."

  • It doesn't have to.

    • "I don't regret what we did, but what if he does?"

  • The only way for you to know this, is for you two to have a conversation. He's probably feeling the same way you do, trying to sort out what experience means.

    • "What if he's been scoping me out this whole time, waiting for the chance to pounce?"

  • Ha. He could say the same about you -- but you know that wasn't the cause. Occam's Razor says the simplest answer is often correct. So I doubt he's been biding his time, waiting to get into your pants!

    • "Also if he decides he doesn't want to be around me anymore, I'm going to be alone for the rest of the summer. None of my other friends are in town."

  • You both are in the same boat, which provides mutual incentive to work through this: whether you decide to be friends or FWB.

    • "And then what happens if we do decide to get together, become a couple. What happens when we go back to school? What do we tell our other friends? Hell, what would I tell my parents?"

  • This is so far down the line. First deal with speaking to him again to see where his head is at. It's scary not knowing what the other person is thinking, but since you seem game with exploring things with Danny more my advice is to stay open. Texting "hey" just won't cut it. Do you ever stop by his place? If you don't hear back from him in 12 hours or so, "drop by" his house under the guise of being in the area.

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Source: www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3bc8ia/i_19m_had_a_gay_experience_with_my_friend_19m_i/